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Extra info for p 40 Penguin - Difficult Conversations - How To Discuss What Matters Most
Example text
What We Can’t Change, and What We Can No matter how skilled we become, there are certain challenges in each of the Three Conversations that we can’t change. We will still run into situations where untangling “what happened” is more complicated than we initially suspect. We will each have information the other person is unaware of, and raising each other’s awareness is not easy. And we will still face emotionally charged situations that feel threatening because they put important aspects of our identity at risk.
This greatly reduces the chance that you will be caught in an accidental duel of conflicting rules. 3. Our Conclusions Reflect Self-Interest Finally, when we think about why we each tell our own stories about the world, there is no getting around the fact that our conclusions are partisan, that they often reflect our self-interest. We look for information to support our view and give that information the most favorable interpretation. Then we feel even more certain that our view is right. Professor Howard Raiffa of the Harvard Business School demonstrated this phenomenon when he gave teams of people a set of facts about a company.
He knows about the anxiety he felt putting aside other important work to do Michael’s project. Jack also knows how happy he felt to be doing a favor for a friend. And there is plenty that Jack is not aware of. Jack doesn’t know that Michael’s client blew up just that morning over the choice of photograph in another brochure Michael had prepared. Jack doesn’t know that the revenue figures are a particularly hot topic because of questions about some of the client’s recent business decisions. Jack doesn’t know that Michael’s graphic designer has taken an unscheduled personal leave in the midst of their busiest season, affecting not just this project but others as well.
